The bond between a person and their pet is very unique. Some people are very attached to their pets, seeing them as their companions, confident or even their closest friends. Other people might perceive their pets not as much as individuals but as part of a group or the family but still have some emotional attachment to the animal. Others might experience yet another level of relationship where there’s no deep emotional connection and they see themselves taking more of a caretaker role.
It’s important to mention that these are just some points within a large spectrum of the human-pet bond and there’s no right or wrong relationship type. This is very unique to each situation.
Regardless of where you find yourself in this human-animal bond spectrum, at some point in your life, you will likely be in a position where you might need to comfort a friend who just lost their pet. Have you been in this situation yet? Did you know what to do then? Or do you wonder what you are going to do when you find yourself in this situation?
When it comes to supporting a friend after they lose a pet, your response might vary depending on their bond with their pet, your relationship with your friend and their pet and your perception of the human-animal bond. For example: if you are a pet owner, it might be easier for you to empathize with their struggle even if you don’t have the same bond with your pet. On the other hand, if your relationship with animals is on the opposite end, a more detached one, it might be hard for you to understand why your friend is having such a hard time.
What to do When Someone’s Dog Dies
There are a few things that you can do when someone close to you loses their pet. There’s no single best answer here and you will need to try to understand what might work better given your unique situation, as we discussed above. Here are some suggestions:
- spend time with them and listen: some people might need to talk about how they are feeling, reminisce about their pet or simply cry. You can help by just being there.
- let them know that you are thinking about them: this is especially applicable if your friend is an introvert and might appreciate the space, or if you are not physically close or even if your friend might not be feeling like having company right now
- offer practical support with activities that they might not be able to do yet: caring for other pets or people in their household, running some errands, etc
- organize a life celebration event for their dog: this could range from simple things like putting up a sign on the dog park they used to go honouring their pet to something more elaborate like organizing a walk with friends and other pet owners in honour of the deceased pet
- send a gift: there’s a wide range of options here, which deserves a separate article, but some ideas are frames for photos, photography art, plaques, etc
- help them find a community: this is especially important if you are not a pet owner and cannot offer that kind of support yourself.
What not to say to someone grieving the loss of a pet?
We always have the best intentions, especially when it comes to supporting people close to us but it’s also true that we might make things worse and unintentionally hurt a friend by saying something inappropriate. Here are some examples of what NOT to say to someone who is grieving the loss of a pet:
“It’s just a pet/dog/cat“
“You can get another pet/dog/cat”
“They have short lives anyway”
“He/she lived a long life!” (even if this is true, a pet owner may not feel like they had enough time with their pets.)
“Didn’t you know that this was going to happen?”
“You will be over it soon” (this sounds dismissive of their feelings)
“Are you still sad about it?” (this implies that there’s some allotted time for grieving, which is not true. The grieving process is unique to each person.)
So, how to say sorry to someone who lost their pet?
What do you say to a friend when their pet dies?
Some people say that “I’m sorry” is not a nice thing to say to a pet owner when their pet dies but I disagree. When my beloved dog, Pingo, passed away, it warmed my heart when anyone, especially people who knew him, told me they were sorry. At the most basic level, it meant that they at least understood that I was hurt, even if they did not agree or fully understood the depth of my sorrow. And in some cases, it meant that they were now missing Pingo too.
It’s hard to know what to say in these situations and here again, there’s no best answer. A guideline is to think about the fact that your friend is hurting and, regardless of the motive, this fact alone should make you feel sorry for them. You can also think about how much you know about your friend’s bond with their pet and also what kind of relationship you had with their pet. These things will help you to sort out some facts and influence your words to your friend.
So what to say to someone who lost a pet?
“I’m sorry for your loss”
“I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you”
“I am here for you and I can listen when you are ready to talk”
“I will miss him/her too…” (if this is true, of course)
Take Away
As we wrap up this discussion, let’s remember that the loss of a pet is a profound and personal experience. It’s about losing a loyal companion, a part of the family, and a source of unconditional love and joy.
As we’ve explored, helping a friend through the loss of their pet is a journey filled with understanding and patience. Remember, the bond each person shares with their pet is as unique as the stars in the sky – no two are exactly alike. Your role as a friend isn’t to have all the answers or to fix the pain, but rather to be a steady, compassionate presence in their time of need and to provide a comforting shoulder and a safe space for emotions to be expressed.
In offering support, it’s crucial to tread gently. Avoid phrases that might minimize their loss or suggest a timeline for their grief. Instead, focus on simple gestures of kindness – a listening ear, a heartfelt note, or a quiet presence can speak volumes. Acknowledge their loss, share in their memories, and let them know that their feelings are valid and understood. By simply being there, in whatever way your friend needs, you become a valuable part of their healing journey.
If you’re struggling to relate because you haven’t shared a similar bond with a pet, it’s okay. Your honesty, coupled with your effort to support them, will still be deeply appreciated. The essence of your support lies not in shared experiences but in the genuine care and empathy you offer.
Introduce your friend to farewell.petlifejoy.com, a space for creating pet eulogies. It’s a meaningful way to honour their pet’s memory and provide comfort and inspiration to others navigating their grief. Your support can make a significant difference in their journey of healing.
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The post “Supporting a Friend After a Pet’s Death” was originally published at petlifejoy.com
Pet parent since her childhood, raised 6 dogs, a bird and a rabbit.
She has cared for many pets into their golden years and had her fair share of brokenheartedness with their loss.
Visit the memorial page for her beloved dog, Pingo, at Faithful Friends Farewell