Understanding the Grief Process After Losing a Pet

Why Does Losing a Pet Hurt So Much?

Our pets are more than animals—they are our loyal friends, secret keepers, and valued family members. They give us constant love, and when they pass away, it feels like losing a piece of our hearts.

The sorrow that comes with losing a dear pet is deep and genuine, similar to the grief we experience when a close person in our life dies. People often feel this pain in solitude because not everyone understands the strong connection between a person and their pet.

Acknowledging and understanding this grief to heal and find a way forward is important.

In this article, we will explore the stages of grief, and attempt to provide comfort and advice to those mourning the loss of a beloved pet.

The Historical Context: Five Stages of Grief

The ‘Five Stages of Grief’ idea was first introduced by Swiss psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 and its focus was to describe what terminally ill patients experience emotionally. Still, it soon became a popular way to understand how people cope with the death of someone close to them.

1. Denial: At first, there’s shock and disbelief. It’s our natural way to block out the sudden hurt. Pet owners may struggle to accept that their pet is gone.
2. Anger: When the loss becomes real, the pain comes back, often as anger. This might be aimed at others, the situation, or even the pet for leaving.
3. Bargaining: We deal with loss by thinking about the “what ifs” and “if onlys.” Like wondering, “What if I had done something differently for my pet?”
4. Depression: Deep sadness arrives when we fully feel the loss. It’s a normal part of grieving, filled with a sense of emptiness and longing.
5. Acceptance: This isn’t about no longer feeling sad, but about adapting to life without the pet. It’s about acknowledging this new reality and learning how to keep going.

Knowing these stages can bring comfort to those mourning their pets, reminding them that their feelings are normal and common.

It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t look the same for everyone. Not all people go through these stages, or in the same sequence. Grief is a very personal experience, and everyone’s path through it is different.

The Evolved Understanding: Seven Stages of Grief

Our knowledge of emotions and the mind has evolved, and with it, our grasp of grief. Julia Usher presents a broader seven-stage model that provides more insight into the layers of grieving:

1. Shock and Disbelief: Not denial, but a pause in recognizing the loss.
2. Denial: Not accepting the reality of the loss as a way to cope.
3. Guilt: Thinking about what we could have done differently.
4. Anger and Bargaining: Feeling upset and asking “what if” questions or making impossible deals.
5. Depression, Loneliness, and Reflection: Realizing the depth of the loss and feeling alone.
6. Reconstruction: Slowly rebuilding and adjusting to a changed life.
7. Acceptance: Coming to terms with the new situation and learning to move on.

The seven-stage model offers a deeper look into grief, which is helpful when handling the complex feelings that come with losing a pet. Since many don’t see pet loss as serious as the loss of a person, it can be extra tough.

This model is useful because it highlights the less obvious feelings, like guilt or the effort to rebuild life, that might be overlooked otherwise. It highlights the importance of pets and the vast gap they leave behind. It emphasizes that pet loss is a genuine form of grief.

How Do I Get Over the Grief of Losing My Pet?

It’s very important to keep in mind that not everyone will experience all these stages of grief in order and some people might even experience them differently.

Seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and it’s okay to reach out when you need it.

Keeping these seven stages of grief in mind, here are some suggestions for coping with grief at each stage:

1. Shock and Disbelief: Journaling is a great way to capture the raw emotions of the moment. It is a private space for pet owners to express their feelings when they might be too overwhelmed to talk about them. You can spend time reflecting on all the memories you shared, what your pet means to you and the bond that you have.
2. Denial: Creating a photo album or memory box is one option to cherish and acknowledge the reality of the pet’s life. It might also help to start collecting their personal belongings, like bowls, collars, toys, etc.
3. Guilt: Mindfulness meditation practices focused on self-compassion can help ease feelings of guilt.
4. Anger and Bargaining: Regular physical activity, like a daily walk or run, is a great way to help reduce anger by channelling it into a healthy outlet. Walks, especially, can also be a moment for reflection.
5. Depression, Loneliness, and Reflection: As hard as this sounds, engaging in social activities or volunteer work in general but also with animals if you feel ready, can help alleviate loneliness and give a sense of purpose, removing a self-focus for at least a few hours of the day.
6. Reconstruction or ‘Working Through’: Taking up a new hobby or revisiting an old one will foster a sense of normalcy and progress. It can also help you to make new social connections in a community.
7. Acceptance: Consider working on a memorial project to honour your pet’s memory. Some ideas are: planting a tree or creating a piece of art. You can also create a memorial page for your pet on our platform.

Moving Forward After the Loss of a Pet

Grief is different for everyone, filled with personal emotions and memories. There’s no set time for when things start to feel normal again.

The hurt from losing a pet doesn’t go away completely, but it changes over time. This lets us remember our pets without the sharp pain of new grief. Moving forward is about holding onto the good memories while learning to look ahead.

Recognizing the Evolution of Grief

• Pain Changes: The intense pain of grief usually eases gradually, allowing us to think back on our time with the pet with more warmth than sadness. Accepting that it’s natural for this pain to change is important.
• Cherishing Memories: With time, the happy moments you had with your pet become a treasure. Recalling the fun times, their little habits, and your special connection can bring solace.

Reopening the Heart

• Thinking About Another Pet: Choosing to welcome a new pet into your life is a big decision. It’s not about finding a substitute for the one you lost, but about letting yourself form a new loving bond. Take your time to think about if and when you’re ready.
• Trying Foster Care: If you’re not ready to commit to another pet permanently, fostering can be a good option. It helps a pet in need and can also help you heal from your loss.

Creating New Rituals

• Remembering Annually: You could mark a special day each year to think of your pet, like their birthday or the day you brought them home. It can be a day of quiet thought or a time to celebrate their life with friends and family.
• Helping Others: Putting your feelings into positive actions can help with healing. You might volunteer at an animal shelter, give to charities that help animals, or support a pet in honour of the one you’ve lost.

Seeking Continued Support

• Keep Getting Help: If you find that you need ongoing support while grieving, it’s okay to keep seeing a counsellor. It can make a big difference in managing your feelings.

Embracing the Future with Gratitude

• Remember the Good: Each pet teaches us something and leaves us with precious memories. Be thankful for the moments you had and what they taught you.
• Growing from Loss: Think about how loving and losing a pet has helped you grow. It shows just how much our pets change our lives for the better.

How long does grief last after losing a pet?

Losing a pet is very hard. They are part of our family and when they pass away, it hurts deeply. It’s okay to feel many emotions as you miss your pet. Each person feels different and takes their own time to feel better.

You might not go through every stage of grief or in the same order. That’s normal. What’s important is to do what helps you. Writing down your feelings, making a special photo album, or talking to people who understand can make a big difference.

It’s okay to take time to heal. Your feelings are important, and there’s no rush. You’re not alone, and there’s always someone to talk to, whether it’s friends, family, or a group of people who have lost pets.

As time goes by, it gets easier to think about your pet with a smile instead of sadness. As you find your way through this tough time, be mindful of taking care of yourself and remembering the good times with your pet.

When you’re ready, new joys and maybe even new pets will come into your life. Until then, be kind to yourself as you remember your beloved pet.

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The post “Understanding the Grief Process After Losing a Pet” was originally published at petlifejoy.com